Only Ever Us Read online

  “One more thing,” I said.

  “What?” Her lashes lifted, and her eyes met mine.

  “Another kiss,” I murmured as I bent low and slid my hand into her hair.

  I meant for it to be brief, but apparently, I couldn't kiss Mae without it getting hot, fast. The next thing I knew, we were breathless, and I was about to spin her against the door when I caught myself. I lifted my head with a low laugh.

  Chapter Eleven

  Mae

  I drummed my fingertips against my thigh as I waited in line at Firehouse Café. I'd missed this place, and I hadn’t known how much until I came home. I looked around, absorbing the familiar space. The artwork on the walls had changed because Janet rotated artwork from Alaskan artists, but fireweed was still painted on the old fire pole. The brightly painted chairs and tables added a cheery vibe to the space, and the same chalkboard menu hung on the wall behind the counter, though probably with some updates. The best part was getting to the front of the line and being greeted with one of Janet's warm smiles. Her hair had more silver in it than before, but her smile was just as wide.

  “Hey, girl.”

  “Hey, Janet.”

  “It's good to see you here a few times a week,” she added, her eyes crinkling at the corners with her smile.

  “It's good to be here a few times a week.”

  “Your usual?”

  “Yes, ma'am.”

  She quickly prepped my favorite dark mocha with no sugar. “How's your job?” she asked as she counted out change for me, which I promptly stuffed in her tip jar.

  “I love it so far.”

  “Your parents are mighty happy you're back.”

  I smiled. “And I’m glad to be here.”

  “Don't be a stranger,” she said.

  “Have I been a stranger?” I turned back.

  “Absolutely not. Just making sure it stays that way,” she teased before shifting her attention to the customers behind me.

  I crossed over to snag the only table left by the windows, smiling as I looked out on Main Street. A layer of snow dusted the signs and rooftops, and Christmas decorations were up on storefronts. I took a deep breath and let it out, a sense of relaxation I hadn't felt in years sliding through me. It was good to be home. I’d always meant to get back to Alaska, but I hadn’t known when it would happen.

  I wondered what Rowan thought of Willow Brook now that he lived here. My thoughts were playing a game of ping pong around him. Every time I mentally shifted to another topic, my thoughts bounced right back to him. Fortunately, I’d moved on from my annoyance at his presence. Gah! The other night had been crazy hot. Except now I had a new worry.

  I was going to have to tell him what really happened and explain all my hang-ups around trust and everything else. Before I could get stuck in anxiety quicksand, someone called my name. I glanced over to see Holly and Ella waving from the line.

  “Hey!” I called over.

  There was one chair across from me and an empty one at a table nearby. “Can I snag that chair?” I asked the older couple sitting there.

  “It’s all yours,” the woman replied with a smile.

  I grabbed it before someone else could, and a few minutes later, Holly flounced in the chair across from me with Ella right on her heels. I leaned over and gave Ella a quick hug. “I haven't seen you in weeks.”

  “You've only been here a few weeks,” Ella returned with a grin.

  “I know, but it’s just good to see everyone.”

  “I don't have much of a social life. Having a baby kind of absorbs everything.”

  “Yeah?”

  Ella nodded, her glossy brown hair swinging with the motion. “Babies mean hardly any sleep. But I don't want to be that friend, the one whose non-baby friends can’t stand.”

  Holly rolled her eyes. “That’s not gonna happen.”

  Ella nudged her knee against Holly's before she looked back toward me. “So, how's life? You're all settled in?”

  “I am. I like my job. Gram's house is great. I do need to redecorate, kind of desperately, though. I feel like I’m living in a time warp. I should have disco parties.”

  After laughing about that, Holly decided we'd plan a day trip to Anchorage to pick out paint and something to replace the shag carpet. After catching up a little bit more, Ella had to leave.

  She stood from the table, leaning over and dusting a kiss on my cheek. “I'm so glad you're back. We'll see each other soon.”

  After she left, I glanced over at Holly. “What's your schedule today?”

  Her eyes bounced to the clock above the door. “I have to get to work in an hour. Until then, I'm hanging with you.”

  “What if I have plans?” I teased.

  Holly's brown eyes twinkled with her smile. “So, tell me the update on you and Rowan.”

  “What do you mean?” I hedged.

  “Don’t play coy. I saw him kiss you the other night.”

  Instantly, my neck got hot. I bought myself a moment by finishing my cup of coffee. “What do you mean?” I finally countered.

  Holly cocked her head to the side. “In the parking lot at the pizza place,” she replied pointedly.

  “Oh, right.” For a split second, I thought I would try to play it cool, but Holly was my friend, and I needed a friend.

  I rested my elbows on the table and leaned my face into my hands as I let out a sigh. Brushing my hair back from my face, I lifted my eyes to hers again. “I don't know what to do.”

  Holly’s teasing gaze faded. “What happened?”

  “He stopped by last night and helped me with the driveway because I couldn't start the plow truck. We, um, kissed again.” It wasn't just my neck now. My face felt like it was on fire.

  “Was it more than a kiss?” Holly leaned forward.

  “Yes, but I don't know what to do.” Ugh. I didn’t even know how to explain it.

  “What happened with you two before?”

  “I told you. I met him at UNC, we were friends for a while, then we went on a few dates, and then—” My words came to an abrupt halt, while my thoughts scattered. I knew what this was. The therapist I’d seen had helped me understand how my brain tried to protect itself by avoiding the traumatic memories. But that didn’t help in the long run because then I never learned to face them.

  Holly watched me quietly before prompting, “Let’s not worry about the past. Do you like him now?”

  There was a big fat black hole in my past that I didn’t want to explore, most definitely not now in a coffee shop, so I was grateful she sensed that somehow. “Well, obviously, but—” I groaned. “I don't know.”

  “Do you know if you like him or not?”

  “I know I like him.”

  I worried the corner of my bottom lip as I considered being honest with her. I knew I could trust Holly. “Can I tell you something?”

  “Anything, you know I'm a vault.”

  “I—” I tried to force the words out, but they were stuck.

  Holly waited patiently. “Here, I’ll tell you something.”

  “Uh, okay?”

  She shrugged lightly. “You seem embarrassed about it, so I’ll tell you my embarrassing thing.”

  Embarrassment was part of my messy feelings, but just the tip of it. But I was curious now. “Okay, what?”

  “I was a virgin until Nate.”

  “What?” I squeaked, genuinely surprised.

  She flushed slightly. “I was almost thirty. Nobody knew, well, except for Nate. I wasn’t saving myself for someone either, and it just turned into this thing.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Holly shrugged. “You know in high school, there was everything that happened with Jake.”

  “I know. That was—” I paused, unsure how to describe it.

  “Awful, sad, disruptive,” Holly offered helpfully with a twist of her lips.

  Holly and Ella, along with Ella's now-husband Caleb and Holly's boyfriend, were in a car accident on an
icy patch of Turnagain Arm, a highway that led out of Anchorage along a winding stretch by the mountains. They'd been hit by a drunk driver, and Holly's boyfriend had died instantly when he was thrown from the vehicle. That accident had been defining for a lot of us in high school, most obviously for Holly, Caleb, and Ella. Caleb and Ella had broken up at the time. I was glad they were back together because they'd been one of those couples I’d thought were going to make it.

  “It was terrible and so sad,” I offered somberly.

  “It just fucked so many things up. Jake and I weren't like Caleb and Ella. I mean, we were together and I liked him, but then he died, and it just messed everything up. You try dating in this town after something like that happens. Everyone treats you like you’re tragic,” she said dryly.

  “Oh, god, I never really thought about that.”

  “Yeah, and I couldn't talk about it. Like, my boyfriend died, and nobody wanted to touch me. So, there was that, and then college and just life. Before I knew it, I was staring down thirty and wondering how long I’d be stuck a virgin.”

  I chuckled. “You used to hate Nate.”

  Holly rolled her eyes and laughed. “I know. I mean, he was Alex's best friend, still is. I still can’t believe we’re together sometimes.”

  “I'm really happy for you two.”

  Holly smiled before her gaze sobered. “So, whatever you’re not sure you can tell me, no judgment from me. And, whatever it is, you should just tell Rowan. Secrets mess everything up.”

  My stomach flipped at the mere thought of telling Rowan. “What do you know about him?”

  “Probably less than you,” Holly offered.

  “Has he dated anybody since he's been in town?”

  “Not that I know of,” Holly said, scrunching up her nose thoughtfully. “I would hear about it. Between Nate flying for the hotshot crews in the summer and knowing everybody on those crews, I’d know. He hasn't dated anybody. You can't really hide your social life in Willow Brook, even if you try. Trust me, I tried.”

  I laughed. “Well, I guess we're going to dinner next weekend.”

  “Oh, like a date?” Her tone was low and teasing.

  “I guess.”

  “Where are you going to have dinner?”

  “I don't know.” I was seriously doubting whether dinner with Rowan was a smart plan.

  “You'd better just go to Anchorage unless you want everyone in town to gossip about you,” she offered helpfully.

  “I know, but I don't want to drive to Anchorage on the weekend. That's like a thing.”

  Holly shrugged. “You could always do a Firehouse dinner. That's less of a social place at night than Wildlands. There’s that restaurant beside the gallery.”

  “Oh, right, what's the deal with the gallery?”

  “Jasmine manages it. I've heard the restaurant’s good, but I haven't eaten there. It’s only been open for like three weeks. It's as fresh as you being back,” she teased.

  We were laughing when I heard the bell jingle above the door and reflexively glanced over to see Rowan walking in. The second my eyes landed on him, heat raced through me, my skin prickling with awareness. I didn't know how he knew I was sitting over here, but his eyes swung straight toward me. It felt as if a line connected us across the room—a shimmering, sparking line. I could feel the burn.

  “Whoa,” Holly whispered.

  “Shut up,” I hissed, whipping my eyes away from Rowan.

  She grinned unabashedly. “That is one hot look from him. He’s pretty hot too, all dark and quiet.”

  “I know,” I returned with a sigh. “It doesn't help matters.”

  “Well, I need to get to work.” Holly leaned back, sliding her arms into her jacket.

  “You said you didn't have to be back to work for an hour,” I protested.

  “I lied.” She stood, resting her hand on my shoulder and giving it a quick squeeze. “I'm so glad you're back.” She blew me a kiss and hurried out.

  I told myself to stand and leave, but I couldn't make myself do it. As I was watching her walk away, Rowan turned my way. My belly swooped, and my pulse raced off like a horse set loose in a pasture.

  I watched as he walked over, my eyes tracking his easy stride. His down jacket was unzipped, and he wore a T-shirt underneath. I knew just how hard and muscled his chest was. My eyes landed on the sharp chiseled line of his jaw before lingering on his slightly crooked lips. He stopped by the table, and I stared up at him, the rush of blood in my ears making it hard to think.

  “Hey there, Mae,” he said, his honeyed drawl sliding over me.

  “Hey,” I managed a little breathlessly.

  “Mind if I join you?”

  “Of course not.”

  He sat down across from me, stretching one leg out. “How are you?” he asked.

  I nodded in response, and one of his dark brows rose. “What?” I prompted.

  “I don't know what a nod means as to how you are.” His lips twitched, and my belly fluttered.

  “Oh, I'm good. How are you?” I returned, feeling too flustered with the whole thing. Dear God, I couldn’t even manage polite conversation with him.

  “Better.”

  “Better?”

  “Seeing you makes my morning better,” he said simply.

  Oh. My. God. This man could really ruin me. When he looked at me, I felt encompassed by his full attention. His gaze alone was like an embrace, hot and unsettling while also comforting and patient.

  “Tell me where we should have dinner,” I blurted out.

  He shrugged. “Wherever you want.”

  “Holly just told me there's a new restaurant beside the new gallery.”

  Rowan's lips curled in a slow smile, and my belly dipped again. “I don't know what it's called, but let's go.”

  “Or should we head to Anchorage?” I was shaking my head at my own question.

  “If you want to go to Anchorage, we can go to Anchorage,” he said easily.

  I shook my head again.

  “I want whatever you want, sugar,” he replied.

  Gah! Rowan and his endearments.

  We were sitting there quietly when someone cleared their throat. I glanced up to discover Janet standing there with a tray resting on her arm. Her eyes twinkled as she smiled at us.

  “All done with your coffee?”

  “Yes.” I handed her my mug, and she set it on the tray.

  “I know you're not done yet, but you have a to-go cup,” she said to Rowan.

  “I do.” He winked.

  Janet’s eyes were warm as she looked back at me. “He's a charmer, and he has excellent manners.” She squeezed his shoulder lightly. “You be good to Mae.”

  “Always,” he replied, the teasing look in his eyes fading to somber.

  Janet winked before she hurried away to gather plates at the next table. Feeling befuddled, I looked back over at Rowan. I could have sworn his green eyes darkened. After a moment, he said, “Unfortunately, I have to get to the station soon.”

  He stood, hesitating beside my chair and startling me out of my wits when he leaned down and brushed his lips across mine. “I couldn't resist,” he murmured as he straightened.

  I watched him walk out of the café with my lips tingling and electricity pinging through my body like a pinball machine.

  Chapter Twelve

  Rowan

  “What's with you and Mae?” Russell asked.

  Glancing toward him while I rubbed my damp hair with a towel, I countered with, “What do you mean?”

  Russell's eyes took on a glint with his sly grin. “Dude, this town's the size of a thimble. I was at Firehouse this morning when you kissed her before you left. You didn't even notice Paisley and me standing in line.”

  I cast a sheepish smile his way. “Fair enough. How are things with you and Paisley?”

  Russell and Paisley were pretty fresh as a couple. Paisley had been on our crew, but she’d switched to another crew after Russell fessed up that he
was in love with her. He’d tried to persuade Graham to switch her back, but she held her ground. I liked Paisley, and I thought she was good for Russell. I hadn't even known the guy that long.

  “We’re good. How do you know Mae?” he countered, not letting me change the subject.

  “We knew each other in college.”

  “Ah. I've known Mae as long as I can remember,” he added.

  “Oh, of course. You both grew up here.”

  “Did you date her in college?” he prompted as he tossed a towel in the laundry basket in the corner and tugged on a pair of jeans over his briefs.

  “We went on a few dates,” I offered, hoping to keep it vague.

  Russell buttoned his jeans and glanced up, his gaze sharpening. “What the hell happened?”

  At that moment, Graham, our superintendent, came walking in from the showers. “What did happen?” he interjected.

  “Oh, my god,” I muttered under my breath.

  Graham clapped me on the shoulder with a chuckle. “I don’t even know what you guys are talking about.”

  I snagged a clean T-shirt out of my bag and pulled it over my head just as Russell explained, “Rowan’s got a thing with Mae, and they used to date.”

  “I didn’t know you were so nosy.” I shook my head as I glanced over at him.

  “I’m only nosy about my friends.”

  “We were good friends and went on a few dates. Her roommate hit on me when I was at a party. I still don’t know what else happened, but after that, Mae stopped talking to me.”

  “Oh,” Graham said, looking suitably horrified. “Mae’s really nice.”

  I sighed. “I know. I didn’t do anything with her roommate. I swear.”

  Russell chuckled. “Does she hate you? Because Paisley hated me. You can work through that,” he offered helpfully.

  Graham toweled off and started getting dressed. “She must not hate him that much. I already heard that he kissed her at Firehouse this morning.”

  I groaned. I couldn't believe I was fucking explaining this shit. “I think she might have sort of hated me, but we're past that now. I never got on her nerves the way you did Paisley's.”

  Russell shrugged nonchalantly. “Hey, it's good for some things.”