Crazy For You (Last Frontier Lodge Novels Book 8) Page 14

  Her eyes landed on him and widened slightly. She was quiet for a moment before pushing herself up on an elbow, pulling the sheet up with her. “Good morning,” she said, her voice raspy from sleep.

  Holy hell. Even that turned him on. His cock hardened and he shifted his legs, so as not to make it obvious she turned him into a randy teenager inside. “Morning,” he replied.

  For a few beats, she was quiet, her eyes coasting over him. He’d have given good money to see inside her mind. He didn’t know what she was thinking, but he could sense the wheels in her brain spinning. After another moment, she spoke again. “Um, do you want some coffee?”

  He was casting about for how to handle this morning with her. The last time he’d woken beside her, she’d quickly gone distant, albeit subtly and politely. He sensed the same thing happening again. It didn’t help that he was on unfamiliar territory here. He’d spent much of his career as a Navy SEAL heading into dangerous situations where all he had on his side were his own well-honed tactical skills and the ability to handle some of the most challenging circumstances possible. Yet, he’d never faced the vagaries of an overwhelming attraction and the silken threads of intimacy binding him closer and closer to Violet. Oh, he’d known his initial attraction to Violet ran deeper than usual. What now felt like eons ago and was really no more than a month, he hadn’t even known if he’d be around, so it hadn’t worried him to follow the pull he felt toward her.

  Now with his decision made to stay here, that added a layer of complication. He didn’t want this to be a passing thing with her. Yet, given her asshole ex who’d dumped her and what little she’d said about her infertility, he knew she had some baggage. He had plenty of his own, yet it had nothing to do with romance. Rather it was about the weight of a few rough missions and nothing he didn’t think he could handle. He’d been lucky enough to have parents who loved and respected each other. Hell, his siblings were shining examples of love and commitment these days. What was unfamiliar for him was the internal uncertainty, the sense of losing control when he’d lived his life in a place of control, strength and power throughout his entire career.

  As these thoughts tumbled through his mind, he reeled himself in and realized he hadn’t answered Violet’s question. “Coffee would be great,” he said quickly.

  She nodded and scrambled off the bed, taking the entire sheet with her. So much for keeping it from being glaringly obvious the effect she had on him. She glanced back, her cheeks turning rosy red the moment she saw him. He was bare-ass naked with his cock oblivious to his mental wishes. He grinned and shrugged. “Ignore me. Seems to be a morning thing when it comes to you,” he said with a chuckle.

  He was heartened when she laughed, although she didn’t return the sheet. She dragged on a t-shirt and sweatpants and scurried out of the bedroom, leaving the discarded sheet in a rumple on the floor. “I’ll start the coffee,” she called over her shoulder.

  “Mind if I shower?” he asked as he stood.

  At her muffled yes, he strode to the bathroom. A cold shower would shock his hard-on into submission. Moments later, he climbed out and found his clothes folded in a tidy pile on the sink counter. The smell of coffee filtered into the bathroom.

  Once he was dressed, he walked into the living room and glanced toward the kitchen. Violet was dressed and snapping a lid on a to-go cup. She spun to face him. “All ready for you to take with you,” she said brightly.

  Sawyer wrestled with a flash of hurt. He didn’t like how easy it seemed for her to wall him off like this. He stared at her, contemplating what to say. He wanted to push and demand she relax and let him stay and have coffee with her. Yet, he sensed that would only create more resistance from her. He needed to let her retreat, while he figured out what to do next. So, he walked to her. He curled his hand around the coffee cup, lacing his fingers through hers as he did. He was gratified to see her pulse fluttering along the column of her throat. Her cheeks went rosy again, and she bit her lip. He might be willing to let her create a bit of space, but he wasn’t passing up the chance to kiss her again.

  He dipped his head, pausing just before his lips met hers. “Have a good day, Violet.”

  Her breath went short, rising and falling rapidly. When she spoke, her lips moved against his. “You too.”

  At that, he closed the fraction of distance between them and kissed her—just once. He only allowed himself one glide of his tongue against hers. Any more and he might not be able to stop.

  The sun was high in the sky and wispy clouds drifted on the breeze as Violet walked to the baseball field behind the high school. She’d spent most of the morning leading up to baseball practice this afternoon obsessing over whether or not Sawyer would be here. Truth be told, Sawyer had been permanently lodged in her thoughts since she’d woken up beside him yesterday morning. She’d been restless and tied in knots inside over how much she wanted to cast all of her reservations aside. Her clear-thinking self had lost its voice, stamped out by her whimsical, foolish heart insisting she believe in the depth of the connection she felt with Sawyer. She couldn’t think clearly about anything.

  Every time she tried to tell herself to be rational, she started thinking about how it felt to be with him—a searing, burning, yearning connection that stitched her tighter and tighter to him every time she was around him. The feeling was exhilarating and terrifying at once. In the muddle of her head and heart, it was easiest to try to keep some distance. She’d busied herself with errands and cleaning yesterday, and ended up feeling lonely when she watched a movie by herself at the end of the evening. She’d woken this morning, swinging between the giddy wish to see him today and anxiety about how foolish she was.

  She turned the corner around the building, voices carrying across the field to her. Ginger was tossing a ball to Nick who was practicing his swing. Garrett and Delia were standing nearby talking with Gage and Marley, while Cam was not far away laughing with Eli and Jessa. Sawyer was nowhere in sight, and she was instantly disappointed. So disappointed, it bordered on ridiculous. You can’t be this bad off. If you wanted to see him so badly, why’d you practically toss him out yesterday? Her snide voice taunted her, and she sighed. She liked him, she really liked him, and she wanted to see him. All the more reason to get a handle on her feelings.

  She reminded herself she’d been perfectly content the last few years. She’d accepted the reality of her life and committed herself to being independent. Moving to Diamond Creek had been one of the best decisions she’d made. It had been the change she needed to shake free of the tendency to hew to the careful habits she’d carried on from her childhood. Her mother’s words rang in her mind—her gentle point that Violet created distance. She shook the thought away. Maybe her mother had a point, but it didn’t change reality—she’d been slapped so hard by reality after she learned about her infertility, she wasn’t inclined to let her tendency to tumble into things run her choices again.

  Good. It was probably best Sawyer wasn’t here. She’d enjoy baseball practice more without being distracted by his relentlessly distracting presence. She walked through the gate into the field and waved when Ginger looked over. Within moments, Ginger had assigned Nick to pitch to Violet, while Ginger raced around corralling everyone together. Other team members trickled in and within the next few minutes, they’d been sorted into ‘teams’ for practice. Ginger assigned Violet to first-base and ignored her when Violet tried to insist she wasn’t ready.

  “Only one way to get ready!” Ginger called as she jogged to second base to take her position.

  Within the hour, Violet managed to catch two balls and miss two others. She also successfully batted and made it to second base, making it to home when the next batter sent a ball far into the outfield. Once she was playing, it was just plain fun. She forgot about being self-conscious and forgot about whether she was any good. While she was waiting on third base for her next chance to make it home, a subtle motion caught her eye. She glanced over to see Sawyer approachin
g the field. Her pulse instantly took off, and she flushed. Sweet hell. He was nowhere near her, but the effect of his presence was instantaneous.

  It didn’t help that he was just too delicious. As he got closer, his broad shoulders and subtle swagger sent a jolt of heat to her core. Damn. He was all kinds of tall, dark and sexy. As she was staring at him, she heard a high-pitched voice calling, “Saw!” and watched as he turned and knelt down to meet Holly with a hug, immediately lifting her up in his arms. Gage and Marley’s daughter had arrived after practice started when Marley’s mother dropped her off. All that hope Violet had been wrestling with fizzled instantly. One look at Sawyer with a too-cute-for-words two year old was like ice water being dumped on Violet’s heart. Sawyer promptly began to swing Holly into the air, laughing with her as she giggled.

  “Violet! Run!” Ginger hollered.

  Startled, Violet looked back to the field and saw Gage dashing to first base as the ball he’d hit sailed over her head and into the outfield. Violet took off running and was relieved she made it to home base. Ginger was standing nearby, twirling a bat in her hands. She looked to Violet with a sly grin. “Little distracted, huh?”

  Violet rolled her eyes and ignored the flush racing up her cheeks. For once, she wasn’t blushing because she was hot and bothered from seeing Sawyer, no it was because she was flustered and rattled inside at seeing him with Holly. She was hot and cold at once, dread sitting like a lump in her stomach. At that moment, Sawyer stepped through the gate with Holly in his arms and started to head in their direction. Gage met him halfway and lifted Holly from his arms. Sawyer dropped a kiss on Holly’s cheek and then walked over to where Violet and Ginger stood. “How’s practice going?” he asked generally, his eyes flicking between them and lingering on her.

  Violet swallowed and tried to make her body listen to her mind. It didn’t. Her breath caught and flutters swirled in her belly. Her mouth went dry when she met his gaze—smoky gray flashing with silver. Her body instantly remembered the feel of him sinking into her in the dark hours of the night, her channel clenching with a slick throb at the visceral recollection. She’d never had this problem before—the problem of her body’s responses so wildly beyond her control. Even when she’d been in love with Ted, or so she’d believed, she hadn’t experienced this. Her attraction to Sawyer was on low burn when he wasn’t around, while his presence was like a rush of air sending the flames of the fire licking hot and high. Meanwhile, she still felt half-sick with dread—all in all, her body was plain confused. There was what she instinctually wanted, and what she intellectually knew was a bad idea, a really bad idea.

  Ginger glanced from Violet to Sawyer. With a gleam, she replied, “Great! Violet’s made it to home base twice. She’s officially a baseball player now.” Ginger paused, her eyes scanning Sawyer. “When will you be ready to play? You’re hardly limping.”

  Sawyer’s eyes crinkled at the corners with his grin when he glanced back to Ginger. The respite from the heat of his gaze offered Violet a moment to gather herself. The second he spoke, a shiver raced through her at his gruff voice.

  “You’ve got plenty of good players. What’s the rush?” he countered.

  Ginger put a hand on her hip and narrowed her eyes. “We’re playing one of the teams from Kenai in two weeks, and they’re really good. We need all the help we can get.”

  Sawyer shrugged. “Wish I could promise you I’d be playing, but my doctor would tell me that’s stupid. I try not to be stupid. Maybe in a month or so.”

  “How about pitching?” Ginger asked swiftly.

  He threw his head back with a laugh. “Not yet. I’ll let you know when I’m ready.”

  Ginger wrinkled her nose and sighed. “Fine.” Her eyes brightened. “I bet you’d say yes if I said you couldn’t come to practices unless you were playing. It’s rather obvious why you’re here,” she said with a wink.

  Cam called Ginger’s name, and she glanced between them. “Don’t hide in the dugout,” she said with a grin as she strolled off, spinning the bat in her hand.

  Violet had only barely gotten her pulse under control when her eyes, greedy to soak up the sight of Sawyer, looked to him again. Off her pulse went, as if it was in a wild race. He met her gaze, his eyes darkening. The air around them hummed to life. Despite being surrounded by others with a cool breeze gusting across the field, it felt as if they were alone.

  “You still think baseball is boring?” he asked, a gleam in his eyes.

  She ignored the pounding of her heart and the heat sliding through her veins and ordered herself to behave like a normal person. A normal person would answer his question, instead of recalling the feel of his teeth grazing her nipple two nights ago. On the heels of a deep breath, she managed to form words. “Playing isn’t boring. Jury’s still out on watching,” she said, calling upon her usual tendency toward sarcasm and forcefully trying to ignore the pangs in her heart elicited by witnessing him with Holly.

  Sawyer’s grin did that melty thing to her, where she felt all hot and unsettled inside. She ignored it, shoring herself up inside. This was lust, pure and simple. She’d get a handle on it as long as she kept that in mind. His eyes coasted over her, and she felt as if he was searching for something. It made her want to squirm. She was relieved when someone called out a greeting to him, and he glanced away to wave back. Garrett jogged over to them after being in the outfield for the last half hour.

  Clapping Sawyer on the shoulder, Garrett flashed a grin between them. “Hey man. Didn’t know you were stopping by today.”

  “Well with pretty much everyone I know here, figured it was worth a stop.”

  Garrett chuckled. “You still coming over for dinner tonight? Eli dropped off some fresh king salmon right before we came over here, so we’ll grill it later.”

  Sawyer nodded. “Wouldn’t miss it.”

  Garrett glanced to Violet. “You’re welcome to come too if you’d like.”

  Violet shook her head quickly. “I appreciate it, but I can’t make it,” she said, completely lying. She had nothing else to do on a Sunday evening, but she needed to get some kind of grip. She desperately wanted to say yes because that meant more time with Sawyer, but the depth of her longing for him was startling. Mingled in with her longing was the aching pang of regret every time her mind flicked back to the way he looked holding Holly.

  If Garrett picked up on anything, he didn’t let on. He merely smiled and shrugged. “Another time then.”

  He headed off to help Nick gather equipment together as the practice wound down. Violet stood awkwardly beside Sawyer, worrying her bottom lip and wondering what to say. She was relieved for the activity around them as others meandered over to greet Sawyer. She took advantage of a moment to slip away when Jessa was chatting with him. She wasn’t so cowardly she didn’t say goodbye, but she made it quick. “Gotta go. I’ll see you guys soon,” she said with a little wave before jogging over to help Ginger carry a few bags out to the parking lot.

  She needed to not be alone because if she was alone and Sawyer came over, she couldn’t resist. Violet sensed Ginger picked up on something, but with others walking nearby, she stayed quiet. Violet loaded the bags into Ginger’s car and jogged over to hers.

  She was about to climb in when she heard her name. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw Sawyer approaching. Dammit. She didn’t want to talk to him right now. She needed to get rational again. She gripped the top of the car door when he reached her, keeping it between them. He stopped on the other side, his gaze searching her face. “Everything okay?” he asked.

  His tone was casual enough, but she sensed there was more to his question. Her mind flashed back to the recollection of him laughing as he swung Holly in the air. A sense of panic rose within, her chest knotting with anxiety and worry. Then, she went and blurted out the truth before her brain had a chance to interrupt.

  “I can’t have children. Ever.”

  His eyes widened, confusion swirling in his gaze.


  Well, she’d gone there. Like a fool. So, she’d better make sense of it. “I thought you should know. It’s only fair.”

  Something flickered in his eyes, but she didn’t know how to read it. His attention was like a laser, and it made her want to look away. “Fair?” he finally asked.

  “Maybe it’s crazy, but even though we’re just…well, I don’t know what we’re doing. Anyway, it seems like most people would want to know what they could potentially be getting into if things got serious. I’m not saying we are, just that if it were even a remote possibility. I don’t know if you think about things like that, but if you do, now you know. I, uh, well, it kinda messed up another relationship I had. The chemo that killed my leukemia also killed my eggs. So there.” Her words had come out in a rush, which annoyed her to no end. She liked to consider herself strong and together. She usually was. Sawyer’s appearance in her life had quickly disabused her of the silly notion that she was well over any possible weakness for men. Perhaps, she was, yet Sawyer was excluded from anything of the norm for her.

  He watched her for a moment, his gaze softening. As if she wasn’t already a mess inside, she’d just blurted out something really personal that could be interpreted to mean she thought they were getting serious when they’d only had two nights together. She felt like a kite in the wind—buffeted by her emotions, the depth of her attraction to Sawyer, and lingering remnants of the sense of loss she felt whenever she thought about her infertility.

  He curled a hand over the edge of her car door and started to pull it open further. She clung to it tightly, keeping it as a barrier in front of her. He didn’t wrestle it loose, but kept his hand there and looked at her intently. “Well, that’s a bunch of bullshit,” he said quietly, a thread of anger in his tone.