Still Go Crazy (Swoon Series Book 5) Page 8

  “What, is it that obvious?”

  Evie grinned. “To everybody but you, I guess. Maybe if you hadn’t been working so hard on ignoring him, you might’ve noticed.”

  “Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

  “I suppose he was trying to give you a little time,” Dani said pointedly. “The important part is, what do you want?”

  I needed another gulp of wine to answer that. Despite last night, I hadn’t really allowed myself to think—beyond reliving just how hot last night had been—about what I wanted. Because the pain of losing Boone before had been so acute, guarding against letting myself hope for anything was a well-formed habit.

  Habits had also developed around managing my feelings for Boone. Avoidance and denial were hard to shift away from. For so long, I had missed him anyway. Now, I was dizzy with emotion, disoriented, and didn’t know how to feel with the blinders falling away.

  I let out a shuddering breath and spoke the truth, surprising myself. “I was pissed off at him because I was hurt, and I missed him, and I thought he didn’t care. Now, I understand what happened with context, and I guess I might like to see what happens.”

  Evie absolutely beamed in response, while Dani’s smile was a little more careful. Dani, by nature, tended to be more guarded in general, at least when it came to things like this.

  “I knew it!” Evie exclaimed.

  “Really?” I questioned, angling my head. “Did you really know? Because I didn’t even know.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Okay, fine. Maybe I didn’t know it, know it. But I sensed we didn’t have the whole story about what really went down that summer. Maybe you didn’t want to admit it, but I knew you weren’t over him. Not after we finally talked about it.” Pausing, her gaze sobered. “Look, I’m sorry—”

  I shook my head. “You don’t need to apologize. We don’t know each other’s every secret. You were away in college, and I was back here. I was so upset I didn’t tell anyone all the details. I was all about acting like it was no big deal.”

  Evie reached across the table to squeeze my hand.

  Dani cast a warm smile between us. “I guess we’ll have to see what happens then.”

  “I think we’re on a roll,” Evie chimed in.

  “A roll?” I queried.

  “Yeah. I finally got over myself and admitted I liked Dawson. Shay and Jackson are going strong, and even Dani and Wade finally figured it out,” she explained, her voice pitching a bit on Dani’s name as she cast a sly grin in her direction. “I think it’s totally your turn.”

  My heart tapped its little feet in a tiny dance of hope. I ignored it and rolled my eyes. “Just because Boone and I might try again doesn’t mean it’s going to work out.”

  Dani rolled her eyes hard, just as the back door in the kitchen opened. We all glanced over to find Shay walking in. “Oh, good,” she said, a smile gracing her face, although she looked tired with her hair falling loose from her ponytail. “I was hoping you were having an after-closing snack. I totally lost track of time and was up to my neck in numbers, and then Jackson left on a call. That’s when I realized I was starving.”

  “Come on over,” Dani said, waving her hand.

  Once Shay was settled in with a glass of wine and a few bites of garlic bread, Evie gave her the lowdown on Boone and me before she moved on to dissecting the need for Dani and Wade to actually get over themselves and move in together.

  “But I want our own place,” Dani protested. “The studio cabins here are nice, but it just feels temporary.”

  “Well, then get your own damn place,” Shay said, moaning aloud after she took another bite of garlic bread.

  Another hour passed while we chatted and broke out another bottle of wine. By the time we finished that one, I was more than a little tipsy. Looking around amongst my friends, I asked, “Can I ask any of you to drive me home?”

  Whether it was luck or not, at that moment the back door to the kitchen opened, and Wade, Dawson, Jackson, and Boone came tromping in. They carried the scents of cool air and rain. They were also all soaked. Nevertheless, they were brimming with energy, the kind of amped-up adrenaline that came after an emergency.

  While my friends’ respective loves greeted them, Boone approached me, stopping beside me and leaning his hip against the table.

  “You look like you could use a ride,” he drawled, his brown gaze coasting over me.

  I was tipsy enough not to care about pretending I wasn’t happy to see him. Reaching for him, I hooked my index finger in the loop of his belt and tugged him closer. “And you look like just the man to give me one.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Boone

  When I came to a stop in front of the duplex I shared with Grace, my truck cab was quiet save for the soft sound of Grace’s breathing. I cut the engine and glanced over. She had fallen asleep only moments after I started the drive home from Stolen Hearts Lodge.

  Her hair had come loose from the knot atop her head with several long strands hanging around her face. Her chin was dipped down to her chest, and her lips were parted. That invisible cord connecting me to Grace tightened.

  Climbing out of my truck quietly, I rounded it and bundled her into my arms. She didn’t even budge. I surmised it was a combination of the wine on top of a long day at work. When I got to the top of the stairs, I realized I needed her key to get her in her place. I had her purse slung over my shoulder, but it felt strange to dig through it without checking with her.

  “Grace,” I whispered.

  Just when I thought she didn’t hear me, she murmured, “Mmm, what?”

  “I need your keys. I’ve got your purse. Is it okay if I look for them?”

  Grace tucked her chin against my shoulder, mumbling, “Uh-huh.”

  With a bit of juggling, I found her keys and carried her inside. Wayne leaped down from the counter, eyeing me as I angled across the living room to the bedroom door. Moments later, I had her stripped down to her underwear, studiously ignoring the sight of her body as I did so. It didn’t help matters one bit when Grace came awake.

  Before I realized what was happening, her hand gripped the waistband of my jeans. Just the feel of her knuckles brushing against the skin just above my belt sent a jolt of lust through me.

  “Come’ere,” she mumbled, her words slightly slurred. She hooked her foot around my leg as she tugged me toward her, almost throwing me off balance.

  “Not now, Grace,” I said, keeping a tight leash on the need digging its sharp claws into me.

  “Why not now?” she asked, her tone soft and almost hurt sounding. “I finally admit I want you and now you’re being all bossy about it. You’re taking my clothes off, so why can’t we have some fun?”

  I kept my eyes on the wall as I tossed her bra to the side and reached for the T-shirt I’d found. I was torturing myself beyond reason, but I also didn’t think it could be comfortable to sleep in a bra. Her breasts bounced as she moved. The sight of her dusky pink nipples in the shadowed light of her bedroom was tempting beyond belief.

  I paused, looking down into her upturned face.

  Need dug its claws deeper. Her gaze was hazy, and she was quite clearly intoxicated. I was no saint, and Grace and I had certainly had tipsy sex before when we were younger. But it was a hard line for me just now. “Not tonight. You’re drunk, Grace.”

  Her nose wrinkled as her eyes narrowed in on me with something like a glare. Then, she giggled, her leg falling away from its grip around my calf.

  “Always a gentleman. Even when I don’t want you to be,” she said with another giggle before she tipped backward just as I succeeded in getting a T-shirt over her head.

  Straightening, I leaned my head back, actually praying for strength. On the heels of a deep breath, I rounded the bed and pulled the covers back. She made some kind of effort to pull herself up near the pillows with a little assist from me. I kept my eyes far away from anything other than her face as I tugged the covers over her.
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  “Good night, Grace,” I said, brushing her tangled hair back from her face.

  Straightening, I began to leave, but her hand caught mine just as I turned away. “Boone.”

  I reflexively glanced back, to find her eyes had opened again. She’d only caught two of my fingers, but she held on firmly. “Yeah, sugar?”

  “Stay with me.”

  Her words were soft and imploring.

  Not a good idea. My rational voice had a swift opinion.

  I barely entertained it. The thing was, I didn’t want to say no. I wanted to sleep with Grace curled up against me every fucking night for the rest of my life.

  “You sure you want me to stay?”

  She nodded, squeezing my fingers. “Since you won’t do anything else, the least you could do is not leave me alone for the night. I’ve missed you for too long.”

  Well, that fucking did it. As if I could say no after that. “Okay.”

  A little smile curled her lips, and she squeezed my fingers even tighter. When I moved to let go, she didn’t budge.

  “Sugar, I need you to let go so I can get my clothes off and get in bed.”

  Her grip loosened, her hand falling to the bed as her lips curled in another smile. “Oh, good.”

  I stepped out of her bedroom quickly to check on Wayne. I made sure he had fresh food and water before toeing off my shoes by the front door. I was still damp from the heavy rain that passed through while we were out responding to a call for a pair of hikers who’d gotten lost after dusk. When I checked on Grace, she’d fallen asleep again, so I took a moment to step into her shower to wash off the grime from hiking through the rain.

  About the only thing dry from my clothes were my boxers, so I slipped into bed in just those. My heart thumped hard when Grace immediately rolled toward me, murmuring something in her sleep as she curled against my side.

  I fell asleep, wishing I had pushed a little harder, a little sooner with Grace.

  When my consciousness flickered, the first thing I became aware of was the feel of lips dusting across my abdomen. Each kiss was soft and hot, like a drop of lava on my skin with streaks of fire radiating outward. Opening my eyes, slivers of light, that wispy, gray light of dawn, came through the sheer curtains in Grace’s bedroom.

  “Grace.” Her name came out raw, my voice soft around the edges from sleep. She lifted her head, and my heart jolted, just as my already swollen cock hardened.

  Fuck me. Grace, with her cheeks slightly flushed and her hair in a loose tousle around her shoulders, gave a sly, sweet, and naughty smile. “Mornin’, Boone,” she said just as she dipped her head and swirled her tongue around the tip of my cock.

  God only knows what I meant to say next. The only thing that came out was a rough groan when her mouth closed over my cock. My hips flexed up into her mouth, and I tangled a hand in her hair, gripping as she sucked me in deeply. I clung to the edges of sanity, her name coming out through my gritted teeth again.

  I felt her tongue swirl along the underside of my length as she drew back and lifted her head. “Yes?”

  “Come here,” I beckoned, loosening my hand in her hair and tugging her toward me.

  She came quickly, rising up and straddling me. My breath came out in a tortured groan at the feel of her slick folds sliding over my cock. I moved swiftly, out of sheer desperation. Shifting quickly, I rolled us to the side, both relieved and painfully frustrated when I lost the feel of her wet pussy teasing my cock.

  “Listen —”

  Grace put two fingers over my lips, her eyes flashing, almost matching the morning light. “I know. You’re gonna tell me you don’t want to move too fast. But I want you, and you want me. What’s the point in denying ourselves?”

  My heartbeat galloped along, hard and fast, as she spoke. “Grace, I just got you back. Maybe. I fucked everything up the last time. I want to get it right this time.”

  “There are a lot of things we might not get right, but there is one thing we always get quite right.” She shimmied closer, dropping hot, open kisses along my collarbone. “Please, Boone.”

  Well, there was no way in hell I could say no to Grace, not when she said please. With something between a growl and a moan, I pulled her closer, catching her lips with mine. Our kiss spiraled into wildness. My hands were all over her, yanking her T-shirt off, and letting out a groan at the feel of her breasts with her tight little nipples pressing against my skin.

  The next time our lips met, we were just gone. Hands everywhere, fusing ourselves in every way we could. Once again, I found Grace straddling me against the pillows, halfway sitting up. Just when she rose up and reached between us, her fingers curling around my cock, reality slammed into me.

  “Fuck. I need a condom.”

  Grace stilled, her eyes holding mine. “I don’t have any here,” she finally whispered.

  We held still, nothing but the sound of our ragged breaths filling the room. Grace bit her lip, a hint of vulnerability flashing in her gaze before she spoke. “I’m on birth control, and it’s been two years for me. I was tested after the last time.”

  “I wasn’t worried about that,” I replied, filing away that detail to ask about later. How the hell Grace stayed single all that time was beyond me. “I know I’m clean because I have to get tested every year for the first responder team. Plus, it’s been a while.”

  I wasn’t about to tell her just how long, not yet. Aside from my night with her, it had been since that summer. I’d gotten bitter after the situation of the baby-that-wasn’t-mine.

  A few beats of quiet ticked by as she stared into my eyes. Then, I felt the kiss of her slick arousal when she eased down slowly over me. She sheathed me in her tight, clenching core. Sinking down completely, she let out a soft little satisfied hum, and my head thudded against the headboard.

  “So fucking good,” I growled.

  She remained still for a few seconds and then rocked her hips slightly before rising up, the slow slide nearly pushing me over the edge. Gripping her hips, I held tight and clung to my control. Her channel was already rippling around me. I’d never forgotten Grace and how it felt to be buried inside of her. I knew her release was already almost there. Reaching between us with one hand, I teased my fingers over her clit.

  Her breath broke with a ragged cry. I watched as her head fell back with her breasts pushing forward when she arched, her channel clamping down around me. I finally let go, my release snapping loose and whipping through my body. Sharp pleasure struck me as I poured my release into her.

  I was barely conscious as Grace curled against me, tucking her head into my neck when my arms came around her.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Grace

  Boone held me against his muscled chest. Little aftershocks of pleasure pinged through my body like the sparks of a banked fire. As awareness filtered in, I let my fingertips trail down his chest and over the ridges of his abdomen.

  “You got all strong,” I murmured into his shoulder.

  Boone’s low chuckle spun around my heart. “Yeah, I gotta stay in shape for work.”

  Although my heart was on shaky ground, and certainty wasn’t something I allowed myself to even contemplate, just now I wanted to bask in this moment with Boone. So I allowed myself to be hopeful, to be the glass-half-full girl I had once been.

  Resting my chin on my hand over his quite well developed pecs, I peered up at him and let myself absorb the sight. With his sun-kissed hair, the gold glinted slightly in this gray morning, as dawn broke through the darkness. His eyes were heavy-lidded. My belly spun when he caught my eyes. His gaze had always been a powerful beam for me. Once I was locked in, there was no getting out.

  That was part of why I’d so studiously avoided him before. I knew just how much power he held over my heart, and now I’d gone and given in. I hadn’t just given in, I’d taken the leap myself.

  Lifting a hand, I smoothed it over his mussed hair. “Tell me, how did you wind up becoming a first responder?
I presume that’s what you mean when you say work.” With a smile, I shifted, patting his hard as a drum abdomen. “I mean, you were in shape before, but this is a whole ‘nother level.”

  He chuckled again. “I started at the volunteer fire department the year after we broke up. After my dad got sick, I was working a part-time job, and I needed to pick up extra hours. I signed on for more training, thinking I’d be able to do something with it after my dad was gone.”

  There was just the slightest hitch in his voice, and I slid my palm over his heart, holding it still. “I’m so sorry about your dad. I know y’all were close.”

  Boone lifted a hand and smoothed my hair back, sliding it down to rest between my shoulder blades, his touch a warm anchor. “Yeah. It sucked. You get used to it, you know?” He was speaking about his own father, but I knew precisely what he meant because I’d lost my father too.

  There was a slight tightness in my throat. Boone was entirely correct—you did get used to loss. When someone was gone, time was strange. The pain of the loss was fierce at first. I couldn’t even say if the pain lessened, or if your heart simply learned to contain it and carry on beating because it had to. Over time, whenever you thought about that pain, the ache lessened in intensity. Occasionally, things happened—like stopping at the gas station where my father always bought me one of those soft, melting kind of mints—when a sharp bolt of pain would strike. Almost as if to remind you it was still there.

  Boone gave his head a slight shake. “Anyway. You know the rest. He died, and I did what I intended to do. I finished up my training and snapped up a job out there. I wanted to come right back to you.”

  I bit my lip. “How come you didn’t?”

  “Heard you were dating someone,” he said simply. “I figured I’d blown it up so badly that maybe I couldn’t clean up the mess anyway. If you’d moved on, I didn’t want to get in the way.”