When We Fall, Contemporary Romance (Last Frontier Lodge Novels Book 6) Page 11

  Harry’s grin expanded, but he simply nodded before turning to Marley. “I need to get to the kitchen. Anything else you need?”

  “Nope. Thanks for checking on that order for me.”

  At that, Harry pushed through a door behind the reception desk. Marley turned her gaze to Quinn, her green eyes so similar to Lacey’s. She cocked her head to the side. “You’re welcome to stay here, but why don’t you drop the charade and take your bags over to Lacey’s?” she asked, softening her blunt question with a grin.

  He couldn’t help but laugh. He leaned an elbow on the desk and looked over at Marley. While he wasn’t so sure how Lacey would feel about him talking to Marley, he could use some feedback. “Funny you mention that because I was just thinking the same thing. I’m not so sure how Lacey would feel about that though. If you don’t mind, I’ll keep using the room here. If it’s a problem though, say the word and…”

  “It’s not a problem, not at all. As for what Lacey might think, well maybe you should ask her.”

  “That simple, huh?”

  Marley smiled ruefully. “Not simple at all. I just…” She stopped as if considering her words. “Look, maybe this is none of my business, but here goes. I think you and Lacey have a shot at something real, but she’s not going to make it easy for you. You don’t have to tell me if I’m right, but I think you might have had a thing for her for years.” She paused, her eyes scanning his face.

  He considered ignoring her point, but there wasn’t much to gain by that. He nodded, swallowing against the feeling welling inside. Life, time, and geographic distance had been the factors that helped him keep his initial attraction to Lacey at bay. Problem was, it was never just an attraction. She was strong, warm, funny, kind, and independent as hell, and he loved every facet of her. The moment the word ‘love’ strolled through his thoughts, he almost recoiled. He was in way too deep and losing control in a way he never had. He mentally shook himself and looked at Marley again. “You’d be right,” he finally said.

  Her eyes lit up and then sobered quickly. “Lacey always figured she’d be on her own. I can’t speak for her, but I can tell you she’s pretty stirred up by all this. It may seem way too simple, but maybe if you just try to talk to her, tell her how you feel, maybe it will help.”

  He ran a hand through his hair and idly traced the edge of the counter with his fingertip. “We’re reaching a point where one of us has to say something, so it might as well be me. Problem is, with everything else going on, I’m not so sure about the timing,” he said in reference to Lacey’s pending MRI and the undercurrent of tension he sensed from her.

  Lacey was generally an easy-going person who thrived on taking life as it came. Yet, that was within the context of flying at life with no holds barred. Planning around potential medical concerns had never been part of the equation for her. Quinn sensed she was feeling more vulnerable than usual. He wanted more than anything to comfort her, but her tendency to push against the need for something like that was heightened.

  Marley chewed on her lip and sighed. “I know, but honestly, maybe the timing is just right.”

  Chapter 12

  Lacey lay still on the narrow table, shivering slightly in the thin cotton hospital gown, while the medical technician looked down at her, peering through the fittings around Lacey’s face.

  “Ready?” the woman asked, her brown eyes warm.

  Lacey nodded, her eyes landing on the woman’s name tag as the woman straightened. ‘Suzanne, MRI Technician’ was all the tag offered. Lacey heard the sound of a button and then the machine started to move as she slid inside a circular tube. She closed her eyes and tried to calm her insides. This was just a scan. Dr. Marshall would review the results and let her know. It didn’t have to be the giant thing it had become in her brain. Ever since she’d called Dr. Marshall back, her brain had ping-ponged between worrying about this stupid scan and obsessing about Quinn. Whenever she wearied of one subject, she bounced to the other. With Quinn, she worried over how to manage the intensity of her feelings for him. The strange thing about Quinn was that when she was with him in the immediacy of the moment, her worries went up in smoke.

  She hadn’t told anyone when she scheduled this, thinking she needed to face her fears on her own. Right now though, with the odd metallic clanging of the MRI echoing around her, she felt cold and alone and wished Quinn was waiting outside for her. They’d fallen into a pattern of nights that were nothing more than a blur of sensation and days where they went their separate ways after a leisurely breakfast. They’d yet to talk, although Marley had nudged her about it again. She didn’t know what to do with her feelings and every time they started to overwhelm her, her mind spun in another direction as she contemplated how she might have to adjust her life if it turned out she had MS. She started to shake her head and remembered she needed to try to lie still. With a sigh, she squeezed her hands together where they were clasped on her chest.

  She didn’t know how long the MRI took, but she was relieved when the echoing clicks stopped. A while later, she dressed in the sterile dressing room and exited out into the hallway at the hospital. Dr. Marshall had assured her she would call once she reviewed the results, so Lacey figured she didn’t need to hang around. She’d gotten chilly in the thin hospital gown and couldn’t seem to shake it even though she bundled up in a lightweight down jacket. She stopped in front of the revolving door at the hospital entrance and looked out through the windows. Snow had started to fall during her appointment, obscuring the mountains across the bay. The sky was overcast and the bay slate gray, matching her internal state. She took a deep breath and glanced down to zip her jacket, only to jump when she heard her name, a smile spreading inside and out at the sound of Quinn’s voice.

  When she glanced up, he was walking toward her from another hallway in the hospital. “Came to find you, but I think I went the wrong way,” he said with a grin.

  She shrugged, warmth curling around her heart and easing the tension inside. “They don’t make it easy. You’d think the signs might help, but they’re a little vague.”

  He reached her and slid his palms down her arms to wrap around her hands. His grip was strong and warm, steadying her even further. “You could’ve mentioned you were coming here today. I’d have been on time then,” he said, his grin turning rueful.

  She shrugged, trying to tamp down how pleased she was that he searched her out. She wanted to curl up into him and forget her worries about her health. “I should’ve said something, but you found me anyway. I don’t have any news though. Dr. Marshall said she’d call as soon as she reviews the results.”

  “I knew you wouldn’t have the results yet, but it’s not fun to come to places like this alone. That’s all,” he said, his voice low and his eyes intent on her.

  Her throat tightened and she managed a nod. “It’s not.” She squeezed his hands and looked out the window again. “It looks like we might have our first winter storm tonight. Pizza and movies?”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  He freed one of her hands and turned to walk outside with her.

  The following morning, Quinn slung his backpack over his shoulder as he stepped outside. Lacey’s prediction about the first winter storm had proven to be true with a foot of snow falling during the night. It was only November though, so the morning’s bright sun had already melted several inches of it. Light glistened where the snow melted. He strode to his SUV and tossed his backpack in the back. Before climbing in, he scanned the view beyond the lodge. The snow-capped peaks across the bay were stark against the blue sky. After yet another night with Lacey where Quinn meant to try to broach a conversation about what was happening between them, he hadn’t been able to bring himself to break the spell. She’d seemed out of sorts after the MRI. By the time she seemed to settle back to herself, they were lounging on the couch with her legs thrown over his lap, and he couldn’t bring himself to ruin the moment by trying to talk about something he knew was likely to get
her guard up.

  This morning, he was on his way back to Willow Brook to empty the storage unit he’d kept there while he was overseas. He hoped to check in on his mother and see that she was settled back at home, along with another visit with his sister. When he’d left Lacey’s this morning, he’d experienced something he’d never experienced—a sense of what he’d miss while he was away. Marley had rolled her eyes this morning when she saw him in the hallway. She’d adjusted Holly in her arms and paused at his side. “Have you tried to talk to Lacey yet?” she asked, not even bothering with a greeting. When he quickly shook his head, she continued. “You two are clearly meant for each other, but I can’t get you to talk to each other.”

  At Quinn’s abashed shrug, Marley smiled and tugged him into a quick hug. “You’re welcome to stay here again if you need to when you’re back. How long will it be before you’re back anyway?”

  “A few weeks. I’ve got some things to deal with up there. After that, I’m here for good. Thanks for the offer.”

  Staring out over the bay, watching wispy clouds drift across the sky, he wished he knew how to handle this situation with Lacey. While he had some clarity about how he felt for her, he had no experience with serious relationships. His life hadn’t allowed the opportunity. Between college, backcountry guiding and then medical school, there hadn’t been room for commitment. Even though he’d taken one look at Lacey the moment he met her and felt his body hum with need, he hadn’t spent much time dwelling on her. Mostly because she hadn’t shown the slightest return of any affection beyond friendship. In a short span of time, that had spun sideways. Between trying to adjust to it and trying to fumble his way through without potentially blowing up their friendship, he didn’t quite know how to talk about it with her. While he respected Marley’s point that they needed to talk, it would help if he knew where to start.

  All of this was complicated with Lacey’s reaction to her potential medical diagnosis. In some ways, he wished for clarity on that front soon because at least then she would know what she was facing, as would he. Without her saying a word about it, he knew she was torn with the uncertainty and wishing upon wish it would all pass. If it wasn’t going to pass, knowing Lacey the way he did, he figured she’d be able to accept it the sooner she knew. Occasionally, disquieting thoughts danced along the edges of his mind—wondering how Lacey might change if she had MS, not in the physical sense, but in who she was, and what that might mean for them.

  Quinn took a last look around before climbing into his car and driving away. As he crested the hill that dipped down into Diamond Creek, he glanced in his rear view mirror, savoring the last glimpse of the place he was about to make his home.

  Lacey stood on the rocky shore and looked out over the water. A cold wind blew sideways, ruffling the surface. A few seagulls swooped through the air, calling to each other above the wind. She took a slow breath, enjoying the rush of energy that came from the chilled air and the salty scent of the ocean mingled with a hint of spruce. She’d come to another beach for a run today. She’d promised herself she wouldn’t run too far this time. This beach, like every inch of the coastline here, offered a glorious view of Kachemak Bay, yet it was within sight of Diamond Creek. The spruce forest thinned as it approached the ocean, and a small clearing provided parking nearby instead of down along a path like her old favorite, Raven’s Beach.

  Dr. Marshall had assured her she could keep running, but advised she be alert to how she felt. Lacey chafed at the suggestion, but she wasn’t stupid and didn’t want to end up too far away to access help if she needed it. After Quinn left for Willow Brook yesterday, she’d missed him so acutely, she was determined to run today. She needed something to clear her mind.

  She mentally scanned her body and set off at a slow jog. She allowed herself to pick up to a fairly brisk run, but held back from pushing herself to the point of exhaustion. After an hour, she slowed to a jog and then a walk as she approached the parking area. She was almost giddy to have managed a solid hour of running without experiencing any weakness and tingling in her legs. Maybe this ‘episode’ was over and she’d never have another. Her mood high, she climbed into her car and drove back to her cabin. She needed a shower, but then she planned to round up Marley for a coffee date. Somehow, she hadn’t been to Misty Mountain Café since she’d been home and she needed to remedy that today.

  A few hours later, Lacey had a coffee from Misty Mountain in hand, but Marley wasn’t with her and she was fighting back tears. After a quick lunch with Marley who had to race back to the lodge after she got a call from Gage that the computer server at the lodge had crashed, Lacey had swung by Dr. Marshall’s office. Dr. Marshall had left a brief message to check in about the MRI results, so Lacey figured now as good a time as any to meet with her. The high from her run had left Lacey feeling like she was back to her familiar health and strength. Somehow, in the span of a few short hours, she convinced herself this was nothing more than a surreal blip in her health.

  Wishful thinking and confidence were turning out to be nothing more than a mirage. Dr. Marshall sat in front of her, quietly talking through something, while Lacey tried to get a handle on herself. Dr. Marshall had started off by saying the MRI had confirmed two areas of nerve damage. Lacey barely heard what she said next. Even though Quinn had cautioned her against it, Lacey had done some online sleuthing about MS, so she’d know what to look for. She didn’t claim to be a doctor, but one detail that stood out in neon in her mind was a diagnosis of MS required two areas of nerve damage and ruling out all other possible diagnoses.

  “Lacey, are you with me?”

  Lacey mentally shook herself and looked up at Dr. Marshall. “Um, I lost track there.” She held onto her coffee cup for dear life, its warmth anchoring her and keeping her from dissolving into tears of despair.

  Dr. Marshall set her computer tablet on the counter and swiveled her chair to face Lacey directly where she sat on a hard plastic chair in the exam room. Dr. Marshall adjusted her glasses on her nose and angled her head to the side. Her short dark brown hair was streaked with gray, and she had a regal look to her with her angular features and intelligent eyes.

  “I don’t know where your thoughts are running off to, but let’s slow down.”

  Lacey nodded and swallowed against the tightness in her throat. She was annoyed with herself for being so silly today and getting all excited. She should’ve known she needed to wait for the MRI results.

  “The MRI shows nerve damage in two small areas. This still doesn’t mean with certainty that you have MS,” Dr. Marshall said softly. She watched Lacey for another moment, her eyes sharp and assessing. “I’ve known you since you were a little girl, Lacey. You’ve always been so much fun because you literally ran at life and hugged it with both arms. I can only imagine how it feels for you to hear you might have any kind of medical condition, much less one that could slow you down a little bit. Even if you are officially diagnosed with MS, all signs so far point to the likelihood you have the relapsing-remitting type. You will be able to live the life you want with a few adjustments.”

  Lacey was barely able to tolerate the comfort in Dr. Marshall’s voice and honed in on one detail. “What do you mean ‘if’? You just said I had two areas of nerve damage. Isn’t that what you need to make a diagnosis?”

  Dr. Marshall narrowed her eyes. “I specifically asked Quinn not to go into the medical details with you.”

  Lacey shook her head. “He didn’t! I mean, I asked him some questions after my visit to the hospital in Anchorage, but he hasn’t said anything else new and kept telling me to wait to talk with you about the results. If you’re wondering why I thought that, it’s because I looked online. Quinn told me it wasn’t a good idea, but I had to know what to keep an eye out for. Just tell me what it all means,” she said with a sigh.

  Dr. Marshall’s gaze softened. “Okay then. It’s true that we need to confirm two areas of nerve damage, which we’ve done. Truthfully, adding everything toge
ther, it certainly looks like you have MS. But first, I need to run a few more tests to rule out other possibilities. Fortunately, I’ve been your doctor for years, so we have all your medical records, which are pretty damn boring overall, but a good resource for comparison.” She swiveled in her chair and picked up her computer tablet again. “Let me order those tests and then…”

  “If you’re pretty sure, can’t we just say it is what it is?” Lacey heard the slightly whiny tone to her voice and flinched. She hated, absolutely hated, this uncertainty. It gnawed at her and made her feel shaky inside.

  Dr. Marshall tapped the screen of her tablet and set it back on the counter. “I’m willing to say it’s looking like a definite possibility, but we do need to rule a few things out first. I’ve already ordered the tests. Stop by the lab at the hospital this afternoon.” She swiveled her chair again and removed her glasses. “I know you want a firm answer, but maybe you could work on accepting that you will most likely be dealing with these symptoms in some capacity. Schedule an appointment to see me the day after tomorrow. I’ll have the lab results then.”

  Lacey didn’t like the answer, but she knew it was childish and pointless to argue when Dr. Marshall had made it very clear why she was waiting. She stood up and snagged her jacket off the back of the chair, putting it on an arm at a time because she couldn’t seem to let go of her cup of coffee. As she drove home, her eyes scanned the landscape. The snow from the first storm last night had mostly melted, leaving behind damp fallen grass and leaves. The winding road up to her cabin passed by a field of fireweed, which bloomed in a blaze of fuchsia glory at the end of summer. The bright petals had faded to pink and were scattered on the ground, their faded color the only brightness in her day.

  She mentally beat herself up over how poorly she was handling this whole mess. It wasn’t like she had a terminal illness. In her online meandering, she knew many people with MS lived long, healthy and active lives. It was just that the very idea of a medical problem of any kind struck at the core of how she defined herself. She didn’t know who she would be if she wasn’t Brawny. That’s what kept bothering her. Every time she thought about it, she felt confused and uncertain inside…and vulnerable, so, so vulnerable.